I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
