I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
