Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize