Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
