it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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