I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
