He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
