I accidentally had phone sex last night
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
