I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
