During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
