pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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