I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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