Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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