My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize