Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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