Sry I called you an 8
Non-Jews are for practice
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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