I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
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