She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
