This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
