My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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