i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
