wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
