after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize