just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
