I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
