The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
