Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
