highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
