Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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