Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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