Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
