I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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