So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize