I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
