Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
