508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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