This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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