Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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