i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
