I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Randomize
