oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize