Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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