we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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