So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
