I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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