That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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