he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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