Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
