and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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