true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
