she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
