i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
