I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Sorry my hands just texted you
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
