ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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