Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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