my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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