This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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