Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
