Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
