And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
