Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
