I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
