There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
