Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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