the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Be still, my beating vagina.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
