HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He shit in the fireplace
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