He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
