You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
